Sometimes I am confused or frustrated by apparent contradictions in life: bad things happen to good people; things just don’t work out like I planned; people I am kind or generous to don’t reciprocate. I work hard to stay healthy, eat good food, get plenty of sleep and exercise, but I still get sick. Expectations will fool me every time. But that is no excuse for resignation or failure to act.
I can plan my life but I cannot plan the results. I try, I fail, I try again, I fail better. Many wise people have said it: “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again”; “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”; “If you’re not making mistakes you’re not living.” But what does all of this mean for me, a Taekwondo student? A martial artist?
The fear I have is the fear of not being able to do the form as quickly as other students; that I will look clumsy; that the board won’t break. Some adult students are very self-conscious when they start. They think they should be perfect. They are embarrassed. Some are so embarrassed that they quit after a few classes. Some are too embarrassed to try at all. After all, by the time I am an adult I should be able to learn things faster than a child, shouldn’t I?
When I started there were no adult classes. I had class with children and in some promotion tests I was the only adult. I had to practice Gheum Sahn (modesty) and practice ChoShim (beginner’s mind). And mostly, I had to get over myself. I had to take it to the next level.
I have discovered that I am better at some aspects of martial arts than I am at others. I celebrate what comes easy and work harder on those things that don’t. At 60 years of age there are probably more things in Taekwondo that fall into the latter category. Even though harder work doesn’t always yield the results I expect I am thankful for the ability to try. And I learn from all students, young and old.
For me, taking it to the next level means a lifetime of learning, the willingness to try with no guarantee of the results I desire, the appreciation of the opportunity to give it a shot.
And the courage to look like a beginner.
Dennis Schaefer is an instructor at the Asian Arts Center Taekwondo School in Dayton, Ohio. www.aacdayton.com