What You Need To Know About Resilience

Pray and move your feet. This is one of the most inspirational sayings I have ever come across. The Quakers are credited with this great concept and I have become truly convinced that it is one of the key ideas that will lift you out of a funk faster than anything else.

Failing is not the problem. In fact, failure is a great opportunity to grow and learn. Failing often leads to great success and enlightenment. The problem that we sometimes have, is that we don’t get back up after we fall. I’m not really talking about grieving a loss here though, that is a natural process and requires its own timeline. But grieving too can turn into a negative thing when we get stuck and refuse to let go of negative emotion and live in fear and sorrow. Resilience becomes a way of thinking about loss and failure that accepts that we are designed to fall in order to learn how to get back up onto our feet and get going again.

Having a sense of purpose, a reason for being, allows you to fall and get up again over and over. Pray and move your feet means that you are in touch with your purpose and that you let go of your own ego and attitude and let a higher power to keep you moving in the direction of your meaningful life. What are you here to do? What excites and fulfills you? Are you following your dreams, or have you resigned to a safe, but boring life? Find your sense of purpose and commit to it. Don’t worry about how others feel about your dreams, it’s your life, not theirs. They won’t want to see you change, not because they don’t want to see you succeed, but because they don’t want to have to adjust to your change. That is not a good enough reason for you to settle for an unfulfilled life.

Focus on your purpose and define what your life will look like when you are living your purpose. Identify the daily actions that you have to take to live your purpose and then get to work. Start small but dream big. Don’t put a limit on your purpose, but be willing to start from where you are in move in the direction of your fulfilled life.  Expect to fail and to fail often and sometimes in big ways. Your commitment to this purpose will be the first step in becoming resilient. Everything after is just plain work. Fall on your face, see your self living in purpose, pray for strength and wisdom, get up and move your feet!

One final thought, we all have an inner dialogue. It was put there before we were even born, and while some of it might be positive and supportive, some of it can be so negative that it will stop us in our tracks and convince us that we can never have the life we want. You need to hear that voice and accept that it is a part of who you are, and then turn the volume on it down. Replace it with positive affirmations that occur to you or that you pick up from reading and listening to empowering self-help books and programs. Control your thoughts because your thoughts control your words and actions. Emotions are energy and can’t be controlled. That emotional energy is just energy and you choose how to think about it. Allow yourself to feel and then choose how you think about it.
Pray and move your feet!

 

Matt Pasquinilli is the Executive Director of the non-profit Asian Arts Center Taekwondo School and author of “The Child Whisperer” and co-author of “Behavior Coaching” with Dr. Scott Hall.

Stuck in the Middle by Dennis Schaefer

I have stood at the starting line of many marathons and the energy coming from the runners, poised to tackle the course, is enough to raise the hair on the back of your neck. One of the biggest dangers, in fact, is letting the adrenalin carry you too fast at the beginning, dropping you high, dry and exhausted, somewhere in the middle of the race. If you make it to the final mile, that horrible wasteland of the middle miles fades into the ecstasy of striding across the finish line. You have fought the fight and you have won; first place or last, you have won your own personal victory.
When students start Taekwondo it is all new and exciting. There is something about the first days of any activity that provides its own momentum. Motivation is not hard to come by. The only obstacle seems to be your impatience to get rid of that white belt and start the climb up the colors. It is an essential stage of building the basics.
Then comes the blue belt, intermediate class, the start of the lifelong task of improving on the basics. The “new and exciting” seem to fade. It is actually where the real work starts. The student carries the weight of retaining the basics as well as learning the additional skills that higher belts require. The job of staying focused is joined by the job of checking yourself. You begin to act as your own instructor, reminding yourself of where you need to be and what you need to be doing. You begin to get motivation from doing a good job and knowing that you are moving closer to your goal of Black Belt and beyond. You begin to learn that the best things in life require work and patience.
Intermediate class is like the middle of the marathon where the adrenalin of the start no longer carries you and the renewed spark of finish line is literally miles away. So, how do you sustain? How do you escape the drudgery of just putting one foot in front of the other?
This is where another life lesson comes into the picture. Some call it “delayed gratification.” You only get the real prize when you cross the finish line. But there is much preparation, hours of training, some of it boring, some of it without the motivation and energy that come at the beginning. It is the middle of the race, far from white belt but far from Black. What to do?
Some students choose to quit, satisfied with the temporary rewards of the start and its excitement. Dropping out becomes a habit. You avoid the pain and tedium of the middle, all of the hard work with only the promise of the finish, and start repeating that process over and over. Those students are not willing to use their imagination, persistence and discipline to navigate those middle waters. They look for something new to start. But they have no idea what they are giving up.
Until you join the brother/sisterhood of Black Belt or marathon finisher you have no idea how that reward feels. I will not try to describe it to you. My only suggestion is that you trust the fact that it definitely makes all of the work worthwhile.

New Year’s Resolutions by Dennis Schaefer

Usually, New Year’s resolutions are made to be broken. True, I start with good intentions, but it’s the follow through that kills me. If I can stick to my resolutions for long enough, they become habits. At that point I no longer have to think about them, they become part of my behavior. And that seems to be the key. As Mr. Matt frequently observes, “It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than it is to think your way into a new way of acting.”
My brain is telling me, “I’m tired,” or “I’ll do it tomorrow.” But I have learned to ignore that little voice and just act. My brain only wants what’s best for me but sometimes it is like an overprotective parent. Part of my brain wants me to eat as much as I can because it is afraid that tomorrow’s hunt will not be successful. A more sophisticated and developed part of my brain knows that there is food in the refrigerator. The answer lies somewhere in between.
My actions are sometimes outside the comfort zone, the zone where the most familiar is the most comforting. I can’t afford to languish in the most familiar. My actions risk discomfort, mistakes are made and my well-being is temporarily threatened. But I am growing and keeping the “choshim” (beginner’s mind). Actions speak louder than words.

Continuing the great experience

I started at the Asian Arts Center when I was 15.  I have always liked martial arts-themed movies and shows, and when I started training, I was very excited to experience it for myself.  Over time I realized how much more martial arts is than just defending yourself physically.  It challenges you physically, mentally and is truly a lifestyle to live by.  I have built strong bonding relationships here, and I feel like I have a second family.  I have had many fun and rewarding experiences in my years at the AAC.  When I began teaching, I gained even more of those experiences and observed martial arts from a different angle.  We run day camps at the AAC, and I just completed a fun week with a great group of kids.  I was reminded of how much I enjoy spending time training with the students and seeing their progress. Teaching here has become a passion of mine just as much as my own personal training.     Kellen Brown

Some Random Thoughts at the End of the Year by Dennis Schaefer

Recently I have been sharing a book with some of my adult students, Martial Arts After 40 by Sang H. Kim Ph.D. It is composed of mostly common sense views, suggestions and recommendations for us “older” martial artists, but certainly applies to all martial artists. Mr. Kim refers to the “martial arts journey,” and notes that:
Martial arts practice helps you loosen muscles and joints. It enhances your posture, balance sense of centeredness, mobility, flexibility, power, coordination and endurance. It also conditions internal organs, strengthens the respiratory system and stimulates circulation. Many martial artists experience the effect of quieting the mind and achieving a sense of accomplishment as well.
I don’t know anyone, young or old, who could not benefit from that litany of benefits.
After the first of the year, we will begin the sparring season. We now have a growing contingent of sport fighters at the Asian Arts Center and are looking forward to our first tournament in April. The extra training we do helps to sharpen our Taekwondo skills and lets us lend them to a practical application. When you step into the ring you combine all of the skills, conditioning and technique that we work on every class and see how they stack up against an opponent. It is also a test of courage, perseverance and the ability to maintain “mooshim” (empty mind) in the face of a kick aimed toward your torso or head, a true test of training and dedication.
Now that I am in my 60th year, I look forward to every fight and always scan the athletes at the tournaments for a glimpse of grey hair. My goals this year are to loose 25 pounds so I can get out of the “unlimited” weight class, and to totally enjoy every round I have left in me. (see, Martial Arts After 40, referenced above.)
The Asian Arts Center is thriving, we are rapidly approaching 300 students and have a fine staff of instructors and after school folks. Our Thursday night Black Belt classes are overflowing, and I don’t recall ever having as many 4 and 5-year-olds in the beginners program. We continue to get reports from parents and teachers of how focused and well-behaved our students are. And we feel we are contributing in some way to betterment of society.
The “Journey” continues.

play hard work hard

When I first came to the Asian Arts Center, I originaly thought that I was going to come to train, leave sweaty, and wake up the next day feeling like I had just came home from war.  What I didn’t know and soon came to find is that my training was my passion, the people I train with are my family and while the next day was still riddled with aches and pains, I found myself looking at the AAC as home.  I now teach almost everyday and while, at times, the classes might be tough and my body may hate me later, I learn something new that I can use everyday; life skills that can get me to where I want to go, tools on how to stay focused even when it seems trivial to do so, and, of course, a swift kick in the face if I ever get off track.  In short, I came to play hard but I found that I stayed to work even harder.

Alex Tienda, third Dan from the Asian Arts Center Dayton, Ohio

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